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Transitioning From Young Adult To Adult

Transitioning From Young Adult To Adult

A global pandemic aside, 2020 was supposed to be a year of challenges for me anyway. After all, this year marks the beginning of a new, terrifying chapter for me: adulthood, and all the responsibilities that come along with it.

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Back from hiatus

It’s good to be back (again).

I had a rough start to this year, so I really needed the break. I won’t lie, I always feel strangely guilty whenever I take a break from blogging. It feels almost sacrilege, which is absurd because this is just a blog. This is just my own tiny bubble on the internet, where I feel almost completely at ease to share whatever is on my mind. There is a comfort in knowing that I can express my thoughts freely from behind a screen, where no one who knows me in real life would try to interpret the meaning of my words just so they can fit me in the narrative they’ve written for me.

That sounds harsher than I intended it to. What I really mean is that when you interact with someone in person, you form an impression of them. And even if your first impressions are not your lasting impressions, you will still unconsciously try to fit them in a stereotype, or at the very least you will unintentionally put labels on them, for no other reason than it helps you make sense of that person better. We are all guilty of this to some extent, but here, on this blog, I don’t have to be afraid of being labelled. Of being finite.

I have personal issues with being labelled, but that’s a story for later.

As I was saying—I was meaning to return to blogging in January and then in February, but given how things were going for me I realized that It just wasn’t the right time yet. One of the most important lessons I learned last year is prioritizing. This year, after losing a friend, after watching my father’s health deteriorate day by day (and realizing that part of his carelessness about his own health is because of his mental health issues), opening a bakery which comes with its own equal share of excitement and stress, starting my final year at university, dealing with my own mental health, and a million other things…yeah blogging was not my priority.

Looking back at my younger self though, I have to admit, I am doing much better than I have had in years. Despite everything, I am coping, and definitely knowing what needs to be done first has helped me a lot.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are reading this, and you are disappointed in yourself for not being able to follow whatever plans you have set for yourself to the dot—then take a deep breath and stop. You don’t have to do everything at once. Just focus on what’s truly important, and try to choose something that brings you joy. Best of luck. You got this.

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I have a hater and this is what he taught me

This is quite possibly the strangest thing to have happened to me.

See I am usually a nice person. Not necessarily very nice–I am human, I have my bad days, and sometimes I know I am not really a nice person even when I am not having a bad day (no one’s perfect). But usually, I am polite. Maybe a little too quiet (because I am introverted) which people sometimes mistake for snobbishness, but really it’s only because I am shy and awkward.

But most days–I am nice. And in the past three years, I cannot recall a single moment when I have been anything but nice to the person this post is about: my hater.

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Sunday Wrap Up: Week 1 of November

(Let’s pretend it’s Sunday okay?)

I am not quite sure how long I am going to go on with this vanishing and reappearing act on my blog, but here I am reappearing after vanishing for the entire month of October. Anyway, here’s a quick wrap of of the first week of November for me:

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Sunday Wrap Up: Week #1 of September

 

Gosh I feel terrible.

I am so sorry to start this post on such a bad note. I have been feeling really sick lately, but being the idiot I am, I ignored it and went about my daily routine instead of taking things easy and taking care of my health. And now my body is literally taking revenge on me. Ooops.

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Monthly Wrap Up: August At A Glance

Around the end of every month, it’s almost tradition to take a moment to pause and have a look back. August this year was an emotional roller coaster ride due to all the chaos that has been happening in my country, as well as due to some personal incidents too. It was a month during which I thought I wouldn’t be able to do much good…but in the end, it turned out that I did manage to achieve most of my goals this month.

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The Sunday Post: Weekly Wrap Up #2

Aaaand that’s another week of August gone by! Time flies, especially when you have midterms going on. It’s been rough last week so there’s a lot I haven’t really gotten around to doing, but all things considered I think I am doing fine.

Personal life

I feel like talking about what’s been happening in my non-blogging life…just because. Some time ago, I made my first personal post The Hard Part where I talked about how after falling for a guy I knew I couldn’t have Continue reading “The Sunday Post: Weekly Wrap Up #2”

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The Sunday Post: Weekly Wrap Up #1

weekly wrap up

Sunday marks the first day of the week for me and my fellow Bangladeshis, and I figured I’d do a weekly wrap every Sunday to take a look back on everything book-related and non-book related things that have been happening in my life. Here’s a short recap of the past week.

blogging

reading

Considering how slowly I have been reading the past four months I’m pretty happy that I finished one book in a week, and that book is The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet (link to review posted above). I started it in 2nd August and finished it on 5th August–it was so much fun to read, and so light and easy that I managed to complete it in 3 days without even needing to pull all-nighters. I started reading The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken this Wednesday, and I think I will be able to finish it by the end of next week even though I have my midterms coming up from Monday.

writing

Managed to squeeze in the time to write 3 chapters of my WIP, and even posted three new chapters of my poetry book on Wattpad. I also wrote 4 new poems this month, and I am really happy with how they turned out.

bookstagramming

Erm…I took some photos but forgot to post them. You’ll find out why in a bit.

Personal life.png

And now I am going to share something that I have been wanting to share, but was in too much pain to do so. Recently there has been a tragedy in my country. Two weeks ago, three children in my city were killed by a reckless bus driver who was never apprehended for his crimes. In Bangladesh, more than 4000 people die every year because our roads are so unsafe, and because the drivers do not even pass the required fitness certification (forget having a licence to drive). To protest this, the children in my country, 13-year-olds to 16-year-olds boycotted their classes and exams and rallied on the streets to demand safer roads.

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They did not stop there.

These children, these minors, stopped every vehicle on every road in every city in the country to check whether the drivers had legitimate licence and fitness certificates to drive–whenever they found drivers who did not have the necessary papers they politely turned them away.

They did not stop there.

There has never been any order to the traffic in our country, so these kids took matters in their own hands and brought order to the roads. The image given below shows what the roads looked like in my country under the control of traffic police and the government.

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And this next image below is what the roads looked like when the children of my country decided they would control traffic. They ensured that every vehicle used appropriate lanes and even maintained an emergency lane to allow ambulances, fire services and other emergency vehicles to travel quickly.

 

They did not stop here.

They cleaned the roads, and they fixed broken roads wherever they found them. I repeat, these are children, and they showed the government how to do its job right.

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All they wanted in return was for the government to accept their 9-points demand that would ensure our roads would be safer. Instead of listening to them however, on the third day of these peaceful protests, the government retaliated violently. Police and BCL members attacked these children, but to this day, the government still denies it, and all the national media except The Daily Star refuses to cover these brutal events. You can read the details of the attacks from the articles by The Daily Star here–I am afraid I cannot reveal too much of what had happened because the government is arresting anyone who is speaking out by accusing them of spreading rumors and anti-government propaganda. (My blog is too small to get their notice, but I am trying to be as careful as I can be).

This was followed by more unrest and violence. To protest against these attacks on our children, students from every university in the country rallied on the streets and protested only to be attacked by law enforcers whose job was to protect us. These law enforcers were aided by BCL who are youth who represent the government, but have no right to take the law into their own hands. Yet they did exactly that, attacking students wherever they found them, invading university campuses, and instead of stopping them our police took their side. Instead of apologizing to the nation and making amends to the innocents who were injured, the government continues to deny all of these atrocities and is arresting anyone who says otherwise.

https://www.thedailystar.net/city/north-south-university-nsu-students-comes-under-attack-on-campus-demanding-justice-for-safe-road-1616668

https://www.thedailystar.net/city/bcl-ruling-party-men-attack-student-protest-road-safety-jigatola-dhanmondi-dhaka-1615828

https://www.thedailystar.net/city/police-lobbed-tear-gas-shells-east-west-university-students-rampura-movement-for-safe-roads-in-bangladesh-1616647

I have been seeing so much violence in my country growing up that I feel as though I have been desensitized to it all. But last week was different. Last week broke our spirits, broke our hearts, but it also made gave me hope: hope that the children in my country will do great things in their lives even if it is not in their own motherland. Last week made my generation and every generation that will come afterwards hate the ruling government with every fibre of our being. They can try to pretend that nothing had happened, they can lie to us through gritted teeth, but we know the truth and we will never, ever forget.

I hope that wherever you are and whoever you are, if you are reading this, I hope that you never have to suffer the pain of knowing that you are not safe in your own home.

 

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The Hard Part

((cue nervous laughter because this is the first personal post on this blog hehehehehe))

This has been on my mind for a while now, and I am not sure how best to express this in words without embarrassing myself, but I tend to form emotional attachments a little too quickly, a little too strongly, and at the same time, I find myself unable to really open up to people, to share the things that friends are supposed to be sharing with each other. It makes friendships hard enough as it is for an introvert like me–on one hand I can’t make my friendships more meaningful even though I want to; without intimacy, without the feeling of trust that comes with sharing and keeping secrets and other things you wouldn’t tell most people, it’s difficult to cross the borderlands between “acquaintance/friends” and “good friends”.

On the other hand, just because I cannot share these things that matter so much to me, the important things, does not mean I don’t care deeply about the people surrounding me. I do. It’s just hard to prove it when I can’t open up to them.

And we are just talking about friendships here, not romantic relationships. Let’s not even go there, hahaha.

((Actually we are going to go there))

A little more than a month ago, I gathered up the courage to text a crush I have only known through social media. Mind you that this was a really stupid crush–an absolute school girl infatuation–I didn’t actually like the guy. It was more like a he-seems-interesting kinda thing.

Anyway we started talking and I was surprised by how quickly we became friends. One of the first things I learned early on was that he had a girlfriend, which, as disappointing as it was, didn’t bother me that much because I did not really like him seriously. At first.

I guess you all know where this is going.

Well, no point beating around the bush: now, after having talked to him for some time and getting to know him better, I am starting to think I have feelings for him. I am not going to go into the details of that or why I even started having feelings for him because that’s not what I want to get off my chest. I want to talk about the hard part.

The part where I start to forget myself because of how emotionally attached I can become to a person.

I guess it happens to a lot of people when they fall in love. As cliche as it sounds love really can be…overwhelming. And I guess it’s normal that when you fall in love, this one person becomes so important to you that you start to forget that you are important to yourself too. That all the people around you are characters in your story but you are the protagonist. That this story is about you.

Especially if the other person doesn’t reciprocate or (if they are a shitty boyfriend/girlfriend) makes you feel like they don’t love you as much back.

At times like this I guess it’s hard to remember that the love we want isn’t some thing that only one person can give. I think that’s part of why it’s hard for us to leave those people, even when they hurt us and make us unhappy,  because we want them to be the one to give us the love that we give them. To quote Charlie from The Perks of Being A Wallflower (the book not the movie): we accept the love we think we deserve.

And I think all of this is part of why it is so hard to love ourselves first–to give ourselves the love that we actually deserve. That’s the hard part.

For myself, I have been doing a little better lately. I am putting a bit of distance between myself and this guy, and using that time to focus on me instead. I am not talking trips to the spa or shopping mall (but if that makes you feel good do that, you do you) but more like things that I know will make me happier in the long run: running every alternate days to get in shape a bit, writing more often, talking to other people, reading more, etc. Things that require me to think about other things instead of him. He is still on my mind, more often than I like, but at least now I am trying to become the person I wish I could be, and focus on all the other kinds of love I have in my life instead of the one I can’t have. It’s hard, not talking to him, not trying to have a little more of him even if just as friends, but hey it’s a start.

Dear reader, if you are reading this, I am sorry for telling you so much that you didn’t ask to know, and I thank you for “hearing” me out anyway.  I am done for today. All the love!

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July Resolutions

June passed me by a little too quickly this year, but I am excited for everything July is going to bring. Not only does today mark the first day of my 22nd year on this planet, but there is so much to look forward to–Camp NanoWriMo to help me make more progress on my WIP novel, #bookstajuly18 on bookstagram, and so much more.

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