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Struggling With Anxiety: Things I Do To Cope With It

For as long as I can remember, I have always had crippling anxiety, even as a small child. But of course, back then, I could not understand it for what it was. And in the kind of society and culture that I live in, mental health issues are still a taboo topic and widely misunderstood.

It took me many years, but finally, in 2020, I began to actually work through my problems. And while I often feel like my family refuses to see my progress, I have noticed the changes within myself, the peace that I feel now, and I know that I am coping better every day.

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Your Patience Is Your Power: Lessons From My 20’s

As I write this, I am exactly 25 years, 8 months, and 28 days old. There was once upon a time, (not very long ago) when I thought that by this age I would have been married, held a top position in a reputed company, probably done with my master’s, maybe settled abroad, and definitely with one child if not two.

Let’s take a moment while I laugh at my younger self.

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Hello 2022: We’re Gonna Be Just Fine!

The past year while I tried to learn how to balance my work life with my personal life, I watched my sister practice something that she referred to as “manifesting”. Now, I am no expert on the topic, but from what I understood the gist of it was this: if you truly believe with every fiber of your being that good things are coming your way, then the universe will align itself to make it happen for you.

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Monthly Wrap Up: July 2021

With July coming to a close, my country is heading into 1.5 years of this Covid-19 pandemic and things are actually getting worse every day. We are seeing a sudden rise in covid cases and death rates; every day there are 10,000+ positive cases and death tolls seem to be constantly over 200. The whole country has been in lockdown for most of the month, but still things haven’t been improving much.

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Turning 25: A Little Older And Maybe A Little Wiser

Half-way into the year, and I cannot help but feel a little nostalgic. Being the kind of overly emotional and sentimental woman that I am, I spent the past few days going through my old journals and going through how much I have changed in the past 5 years.

They say that if you don’t cringe at who you were in the past, then you have not matured at all. Well, if that is the case, then I am definitely a lot more mature now than I once had been. 😅

Turning 25: A Little Older And Maybe A Little Wiser
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Monthly Wrap Up: April 2021

I am super late to do a wrap up post for the past month, but April has been full of so many little achievements that I want to write about all that I did. Future me can read this post to feel inspired on her bad days.

Monthly Wrap Up: April 2021

To begin with, I started blogging more or less regularly again this April. And that in itself is a huge accomplishment, considering I had practically given up on it last year. Back then, I told myself I needed a long, long hiatus to take care of my mental health.

It wasn’t exactly a lie, but neither was it the complete truth. In reality, I was finding it hard to cope with the pressures of working a full-time job for the first time while also adjusting and learning new things the job required of me. Then there was the matter of trying to find time for myself and my family; trying to heal after a rather disappointing breakup, and coping with the loss of not one but several puppies and kittens.

All this while also dealing with the global pandemic.

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The Hard Part

((cue nervous laughter because this is the first personal post on this blog hehehehehe))

This has been on my mind for a while now, and I am not sure how best to express this in words without embarrassing myself, but I tend to form emotional attachments a little too quickly, a little too strongly, and at the same time, I find myself unable to really open up to people, to share the things that friends are supposed to be sharing with each other. It makes friendships hard enough as it is for an introvert like me–on one hand I can’t make my friendships more meaningful even though I want to; without intimacy, without the feeling of trust that comes with sharing and keeping secrets and other things you wouldn’t tell most people, it’s difficult to cross the borderlands between “acquaintance/friends” and “good friends”.

On the other hand, just because I cannot share these things that matter so much to me, the important things, does not mean I don’t care deeply about the people surrounding me. I do. It’s just hard to prove it when I can’t open up to them.

And we are just talking about friendships here, not romantic relationships. Let’s not even go there, hahaha.

((Actually we are going to go there))

A little more than a month ago, I gathered up the courage to text a crush I have only known through social media. Mind you that this was a really stupid crush–an absolute school girl infatuation–I didn’t actually like the guy. It was more like a he-seems-interesting kinda thing.

Anyway we started talking and I was surprised by how quickly we became friends. One of the first things I learned early on was that he had a girlfriend, which, as disappointing as it was, didn’t bother me that much because I did not really like him seriously. At first.

I guess you all know where this is going.

Well, no point beating around the bush: now, after having talked to him for some time and getting to know him better, I am starting to think I have feelings for him. I am not going to go into the details of that or why I even started having feelings for him because that’s not what I want to get off my chest. I want to talk about the hard part.

The part where I start to forget myself because of how emotionally attached I can become to a person.

I guess it happens to a lot of people when they fall in love. As cliche as it sounds love really can be…overwhelming. And I guess it’s normal that when you fall in love, this one person becomes so important to you that you start to forget that you are important to yourself too. That all the people around you are characters in your story but you are the protagonist. That this story is about you.

Especially if the other person doesn’t reciprocate or (if they are a shitty boyfriend/girlfriend) makes you feel like they don’t love you as much back.

At times like this I guess it’s hard to remember that the love we want isn’t some thing that only one person can give. I think that’s part of why it’s hard for us to leave those people, even when they hurt us and make us unhappy,  because we want them to be the one to give us the love that we give them. To quote Charlie from The Perks of Being A Wallflower (the book not the movie): we accept the love we think we deserve.

And I think all of this is part of why it is so hard to love ourselves first–to give ourselves the love that we actually deserve. That’s the hard part.

For myself, I have been doing a little better lately. I am putting a bit of distance between myself and this guy, and using that time to focus on me instead. I am not talking trips to the spa or shopping mall (but if that makes you feel good do that, you do you) but more like things that I know will make me happier in the long run: running every alternate days to get in shape a bit, writing more often, talking to other people, reading more, etc. Things that require me to think about other things instead of him. He is still on my mind, more often than I like, but at least now I am trying to become the person I wish I could be, and focus on all the other kinds of love I have in my life instead of the one I can’t have. It’s hard, not talking to him, not trying to have a little more of him even if just as friends, but hey it’s a start.

Dear reader, if you are reading this, I am sorry for telling you so much that you didn’t ask to know, and I thank you for “hearing” me out anyway.  I am done for today. All the love!

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Once Upon A Time In Retellings

Once Upon A Time In Retellings

Growing up, most of us have heard our fair share of fairy tales about knights in shining armor, princesses locked up in towers and wise caterpillars who smoked pipes and gave words of advice to young girls lost in Wonderland. Somehow, these fairy tales have played a huge role in shaping our childhood and fueling our imagination and creativity. In case of avid readers such as myself, these fairytales had turned me into a bookworm and inspired me to maybe write my own story about magic and myth someday.

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Blogging Slumps…Let It Happen

Hello everyone! I hope you all are having a great weekend. First, let me apologize for being MIA the last two months–life has been really hectic, and to tell you the truth, things were getting so bad that I couldn’t help but slide into a blogging as well as a reading slump. Now that I’m back from my long hiatus, looking back I realize how badly I needed to have that break; no offense to my lovely readers but taking some time off from my blog and focusing more on my personal life has really helped me to put things in perspective.

On that note, I decided to return to my blog with a discussion post about what think is the best solution for a blogging slump. The answer is simple and somewhat unorthodox: let it happen.

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