I am super late to do a wrap up post for the past month, but April has been full of so many little achievements that I want to write about all that I did. Future me can read this post to feel inspired on her bad days.
To begin with, I started blogging more or less regularly again this April. And that in itself is a huge accomplishment, considering I had practically given up on it last year. Back then, I told myself I needed a long, long hiatus to take care of my mental health.
It wasn’t exactly a lie, but neither was it the complete truth. In reality, I was finding it hard to cope with the pressures of working a full-time job for the first time while also adjusting and learning new things the job required of me. Then there was the matter of trying to find time for myself and my family; trying to heal after a rather disappointing breakup, and coping with the loss of not one but several puppies and kittens.
All this while also dealing with the global pandemic.
Phew. Okay so maybe last year really was a bit too much for me. Things had gotten bad enough that I started hallucinating during my waking hours. It was a terrifying experience, and while I still have random episodes now and then, I am doing much better.
It’s a little ironic that I used my mental health as excuse for giving up on reading and blogging, because in the end, these turned out to be the things that slowly but surely helped me heal. I am still far from having fully recovered, but I am doing much better, and blogging is a big reason behind my progress.
I realize now, that this blog is my safest place, where I can truly be my most authentic self. When I write here, even if it is just a book review, I feel more at home than I do in my own room. I feel more like myself than anywhere else. Writing has always been my way of self-expressing, and writing about the things that I love has always given me this joy that nothing else can bring.
And because of that, I ended up writing not one or two, 9 posts this April. Below, are some of my favorite ones.
Aside from blogging, I also started reading, listening to music and watching Netflix shows again. I know that sounds like a weird thing to be proud of. But last year, I was in such a bad shape that I had stopped doing these simple things. This month though, I slowly caught up to reading again and finished some amazing new books.
And finally, I started taking some serious steps to take care of my mental and physical health. I developed some very small and easy habits, but already I can feel a great change. I started waking up 30 mins earlier every week. I started drinking water as soon as I opened my eyes and doing some light stretching. And I used the extra time in the morning to do something that I knew I would enjoy; like reading a book, playing a quick game or watching a short episode of a Netflix series.
It sounds a little silly, but starting my mornings a littler earlier and giving myself time to just relax and enjoy the beginning of a new day has already made me feel more energized, even things at work go absolutely chaotic.
My hopes for the coming month is to try and continue on this path that I have started, and maybe finally seek professional counselling too. I haven’t seen a therapist since my first PTSD diagnosis last year, partly because my family was not exactly supportive and I couldn’t afford to pay for it myself.
And also because as much as I talk about the importance of speaking up and seeking help, when it came to myself, I didn’t have the courage to do it. I told myself that I had been treating my own trauma and depression for so many years; I can keep on doing just that. But I realize now that although I do have the power to treat my problems to a certain degree, professional counselling can help me do it the right way and help me heal faster.
So, yeah, that is it. That wraps up April 2021 for me, and all things considered, I think I have much to be proud of.