Grief And Other Uncomfortable Things

Trigger Warning: This post discusses the death of a friend.

It’s more than just a little difficult to write these thoughts down, so I’ll do the best I can and leave it as it is, so that a future version of me can come back and read this post and see how far I have come.

If I thought 2023 was hard, well 2024 has been tougher. It seems that ever since the year started, I have been dealing with one blow after another.

But one that really pushed me off the axis was the death of a dear friend last month.

It was so unexpected, but I suppose in these cases, a loss like that is never really foreseen. Still, I cannot help but think of all the future plans we had made, all the things we said we would do and put off for later.

Except now, none of those things will ever come to be.

I am grateful for everyone who gave me the time and space I needed to heal. And I am grateful for the people in my life who I grew closer to during the whole ordeal. I lost my friend, but before he left, he made sure that I would be surrounded by some of the softest, kindest souls to ever walk on this planet.

And I know that even though we are all moving forward with our lives every day, his memory is still alive in our minds. We keep putting one foot in front of the other, we go live our daily routines and do what needs to be done because time never stops for anyone. But even as we do, we remember him in every little thing–when we try a new Indian place downtown, when we win a business competition, when we go somewhere or new cook up something special for dinner.

Every time I find myself hesitating to do something out of my comfort zone, I ask myself what he would do.

And I guess in this way, he still lives on.